FAQ
I hate FAQs. I really do. A lot of them are filled with absolutely useless information. Other times, they’re really just a list of Previously Answered Questions made up by a website author in the hopes that they can stave off some of the really stupid questions they get sent anyway. Unfortunately, they don’t always work and people barely intelligent enough to use e-mail still feel the need to ask the questions anyway.
So why am I writing this? Easy. This way, I have an excuse to mutter “moron” under my breath while I delete your e-mail.
Who are you?
Your mother. Yes, yours.
Why do you maintain this blog?
Because I feel like it. Seriously…why does anybody do anything?
Like every other opinionated ass on the internet, I feel the need to inflict my opinions upon an unsuspecting world. The beauty of the internet is the fact that I don’t need to give a shit about ratings. I can type whatever I want, whenever I want, and without worry of my outlet being taken down.
Take that, internet.
Why did you post *article name here*? It hurt my feelings, you’re a big meanie, you think you’re better than everybody else.
I posted it because I had something to say. Plain and simple. Something was bothering me, I spotted another one of society’s myriad flaws, or I just woke up in a worse mood than usual. Nobody is forcing you to read this website. If you feel the need to stuff cotton in your ears, gouge out your eyes, and drown out anything unpleasant, fine. However, I’m not going to stop posting things because you think I’m a big meanie.
No matter how much wool you wrap around your head, no matter how loud you scream after sticking your fingers in your ears, no matter how much you pretend otherwise, the world is an imperfect place at best. Ignoring this fact will only make it worse.
No, I don’t think I’m making it better.
Why don’t you respond to my e-mails or comments?
Because I have nothing to say to you. Chances are, I didn’t even read it let alone desire to comment on it. If you really want to say something to me, do it on the forums here. However, I make no guarantees, as I didn’t even particularly want a forum. They were set up as a favor to somebody else.
Will you link to my site?
Not for free. Don’t even ask.
I’m going to ruin your life, lie to your boss so he fires you, and hack your website to take it down because I don’t want to see this kind of thing. Now what?
Are you thinking about what you’re saying? How stupid must you be to threaten a complete stranger on the internet because of some words that made you angry? Ask yourself a question…is it really worth it?
Take a good look at yourself before you lash out at some random person on the internet typing words while locked in his room separate from society. What harm have I done to you?
Of course, during my time on the internet, I’ve learned that most that would threaten somebody else won’t follow through with it. Even so, good luck ruining my life. Care to give the time you’re wasting to me instead? My lawn could use a good mowing and you’re obviously not useful for much else.