The Cynic’s Cache

Lately, I have had a lot on my mind.  These are things that I have avoided writing about for years, as I have trouble even thinking about them.  I think it is finally time to let these things out of my head, as I doubt they will be getting out otherwise.

This will likely be divided up into various parts, as it will be impossible to write everything out in one big article.  There is simply too much to write.

At the writing of this introduction, Part 1 is already written and will be published shortly thereafter.  It is about what is likely the worst experience of my childhood.  It is also the most difficult article to write, without a doubt.

If you only read one of these, make it that one.

But, before reading that, a few things:  I am not looking for pity.  I am not begging for money.  I am not looking for sympathy.  I need to get these out of my head and nothing more.  Perhaps it will help, perhaps it won’t.  Whatever happens, if you read them, you will be doing me a favor, as the more people that read these, perhaps the easier it will be to deal with.

I will never argue that I had the worst childhood in the world.  Though there were a lot of unpleasant moments, I was never starving.  There were people that cared about me, though they were, at times, deliberately kept out of my life.  I carry no physical scars of abuse.  I doubt my experiences will ever be turned into a New York Times Bestseller.  I don’t expect to be showered in pity money.

Some of these articles will lack perfect proof reading and likely have continuity flaws, as I will care little for rereading them.  They are painful enough to write about.  Other times, writing flaws will creep in, as some of these experiences will be difficult to write about while sober.  In fact, I was very drunk while writing most of the first draft of the first article.

In short: I’m writing these things out in the hopes that these memories will no long keep me up at night.  These are a factor of my insomnia.  Part 1, which I wrote before this introduction article, I have nightmares about.  Even while awake, this experience has run through my head every day of my life for well over a decade.  I am not coping with the memory of the experience and never have.

Again, I am not out for pity, sympathy, or an easy dollar.  I will not reject any genuine offers of help dealing with these things, but I will also not beg.