Memories, Part 2
Among the many memories I have been digging up lately, some of them involve things that seem strange and unreal in retrospect. A lot of them are actions done or things said that had me lapse into a moment of stunned disbelief.
This particular article was intended to be longer, but I find that the details are largely superfluous. The short of it is, at one point, I nearly ended up homeless. I had a job, though it paid poorly, but I owed a utility company money and had an empty bank account. I had a month to find a new place to live, but could never afford the security deposit on top of a month of rent and utilities.
With a week left to go, I told my mother what was going on and asked if I could move back home. I was told “there isn’t enough room.” After a moment of stammering in disbelief, I asked if I could borrow money to cover the cost of a new place. The answer was “no.” She started to inform me that, had I made better decisions, I would not be in this situation to begin with. I simply walked out and never spoke to her for over a hear after that.
I ended up staying in a friend’s spare room.
Fast forward a few years. I ended up in a bad financial situation. I had my own place, but my roommate ran off and left the place a mess. I could afford to pay the bills and eat, but that was it. There was no extra money. That meant no school, no saving, no projects, no bettering my life, and, most importantly, no extra money in case something went wrong. If my car broke down, I had no way to get to work. I never had a check up with my doctor that year because I was too broke.
At this point, I had been speaking to my mother again off and on. I had trouble stomaching her company, but ultimately sucked it up because I’d rather my brother grow up knowing his eldest sibling.
Conversations often got steered back to the fact that I had yet to go to college or accomplish anything she could brag about. These usually ended poorly, as I informed her that college is very expensive and it can be hard for somebody working a poor man’s job to get in and not end up starving. Most people that have degrees by the time they were my age at the time had parents that would, at the very least, feed them and give them a place to sleep until they had a degree and a job. If I wanted to go to school or do anything that might lead to a better job, I would need more money, which would involve more work. More work would mean to time for school.
Several months into this, I approached her to ask if I could stay in their spare room to get my savings built back up and then go to school. Her and my step-father demanded as much rent as I was ultimately paying for my apartment. My mother then proceeded to tell me my aunt in Pittsburgh would likely let me stay there for free if I were going to school there. This, in spite of the fact that I hate that city and have stated my opinion on that fact numerous times.
This is, of course, why the situation confuses me. Not only did she turn me away when I was barely making ends meet and unable to accomplish anything because of it, she also turned me away when I nearly ended up with nowhere to stay. On top of that, she offered somebody else’s help for free where she would provide none, which she has no right to do.
What amazes me most is when she turned me away when I had nowhere to go. What kind of parent would toss a child out to the curb?