The Cynic’s Cache

The next time you complain about not having enough time, ask yourself one question: Do I own a television?

If the answer is yes, ask yourself: Do I have cable (satellite counts)?

If the answer is yes, ask yourself: Do I watch television at least four days a week?

If you answered yes to all three, never complain about lacking enough “free time.”  You have plenty, you’re just wasting it.  If you answered yes to at least two of them, it’s highly likely you should be grouped in with those that answered all three.

Starting tomorrow, from the time you wake up to the time you go to bed, write down how much time you watch television.  Do that for a week.  After you have figured out how much time you spend staring at the glowing box, ask yourself what else you could spend that time doing.  Write that novel you dreampt about when you were 20?  Take night courses in something that interests you?  Exercise?  Learn to draw?

Do yourself a favor, now.  Cancel your cable subscription.  It isn’t worth it and it’s a waste of time.

Concerned about missing your favorite shows?  If it’s worth watching, it comes out on DVD and ends up on the (usually free) watch-whenever-you-want internet services.  I know you have access to the internet, you’re reading my website.  Worried that you can’t afford a better connection?  Compare the cost of cable to the cost of DSL.

Worried that you’ll get bored?  In that case, you’re a stupid drone that has become reliant on the television to keep your mind occupied.  Do you really want your mind to be filled with shitty sitcoms, commercials for overpriced garbage, and poorly written dramas?  If you have no idea what to do with your time without television it is likely time that you rethink your life and your priorities.  Is television that important that you let it dominate your life?

Worried that you will end up as an outsider without access to television?  Won’t know what’s going on?  Might miss the news?  Allow me to introduce you to the internet.  Learn to play chess and get on a website that lets you play it.  Find a site dedicated to something you like and you will never want for company.  Want news?  There are more news websites that you could read.  Worried that you won’t see anything different ever again?  Hello YouTube, how are you today?

Fact is, there is simply no reason to watch television.  At least, none that I can think of.  I haven’t had cable for something like six years now and don’t miss it.

Of all the things that I have been yelled at by women over, my attitude toward weight seems to be the most common. Which confuses me, I don’t see where the problem is.

First things first, one thing I get accused of is hating fat people. This is untrue, a lot of my closest friends are on the large side. Far as I’m concerned, if you’re happier fat, be fat. I won’t judge.

The thing that gets me grief, though, is the fact that I don’t date fat women. Two reasons. First, overweight women just don’t appeal to me. Actually, I find too much fat to be unattractive enough that I’ll go “Yuck” and probably won’t even be able to get excited in the least bit. Second, I take good care of myself and am in decent shape (not fighting condition, and certainly not body builder/olympic athlete levels, but I’m going for healthy more than anything) and don’t think it’s too much to ask that, if I’m in a relationship with a woman, she at least ATTEMPT to do the same in return.

This, of course, leads to the why the anger confuses me. I’m not asking for much. I’m not saying that I’d drop a woman like a bad habit if I pulled her shirt off and she didn’t have a perfectly flat stomach. I’m not weighing the women I date and leaving them if they ever gain an ounce. I’m not saying that I only date women that are supermodel level hot. All I’m asking for is a bit of effort and concern when it comes to your body.

That being said, I also think that extremely thin women are just as unappealing as fat women. Might sound nuts, but it’s true. If you’re skeletal, I’m going to be just as bothered. For that matter, there ARE women out there that carry a few extra pounds VERY well and look better when they’re a few pounds over, but now I’m derailing my own train of thought oh shit it crashed.

*ahem*

I think part of the reason this confuses me is because I’m cool with the idea that everybody has their preferences, for themselves and for others. Me, I like to be thin and fit and just shrug if a woman tells me that I’m just not fat or muscular enough for her. She isn’t saying that I’m ugly, just that she prefers a different kind of guy than I am.

Of course, what confuses me even more is the simple fact that, were I to say I LOVE fat women, the bigger the better, PILE ON THE GRAVY BITCH, I WANT YOU HUGE, less people would get angry about it. At least, in my experience that’s how it works out.

Mmm…stream of consciousness posts…