The Cynic’s Cache

Among the many memories I have been digging up lately, some of them involve things that seem strange and unreal in retrospect. A lot of them are actions done or things said that had me lapse into a moment of stunned disbelief.

This particular article was intended to be longer, but I find that the details are largely superfluous. The short of it is, at one point, I nearly ended up homeless. I had a job, though it paid poorly, but I owed a utility company money and had an empty bank account. I had a month to find a new place to live, but could never afford the security deposit on top of a month of rent and utilities.

With a week left to go, I told my mother what was going on and asked if I could move back home. I was told “there isn’t enough room.” After a moment of stammering in disbelief, I asked if I could borrow money to cover the cost of a new place. The answer was “no.” She started to inform me that, had I made better decisions, I would not be in this situation to begin with. I simply walked out and never spoke to her for over a hear after that.

I ended up staying in a friend’s spare room.

Fast forward a few years. I ended up in a bad financial situation. I had my own place, but my roommate ran off and left the place a mess. I could afford to pay the bills and eat, but that was it. There was no extra money. That meant no school, no saving, no projects, no bettering my life, and, most importantly, no extra money in case something went wrong. If my car broke down, I had no way to get to work. I never had a check up with my doctor that year because I was too broke.

At this point, I had been speaking to my mother again off and on. I had trouble stomaching her company, but ultimately sucked it up because I’d rather my brother grow up knowing his eldest sibling.

Conversations often got steered back to the fact that I had yet to go to college or accomplish anything she could brag about. These usually ended poorly, as I informed her that college is very expensive and it can be hard for somebody working a poor man’s job to get in and not end up starving. Most people that have degrees by the time they were my age at the time had parents that would, at the very least, feed them and give them a place to sleep until they had a degree and a job. If I wanted to go to school or do anything that might lead to a better job, I would need more money, which would involve more work. More work would mean to time for school.

Several months into this, I approached her to ask if I could stay in their spare room to get my savings built back up and then go to school. Her and my step-father demanded as much rent as I was ultimately paying for my apartment. My mother then proceeded to tell me my aunt in Pittsburgh would likely let me stay there for free if I were going to school there. This, in spite of the fact that I hate that city and have stated my opinion on that fact numerous times.

This is, of course, why the situation confuses me. Not only did she turn me away when I was barely making ends meet and unable to accomplish anything because of it, she also turned me away when I nearly ended up with nowhere to stay. On top of that, she offered somebody else’s help for free where she would provide none, which she has no right to do.

What amazes me most is when she turned me away when I had nowhere to go. What kind of parent would toss a child out to the curb?

Available here.

One thing that music never seems to get away from is controversy. Be it the drug habits, early deaths, murders, suicides, political leanings…it all ends in controversy some how or another. So, when I listen to this, I find myself wondering why one would do something so likely to cause controversy with an apparent lack of reasoning behind it?

This particular song is a rhythmic background that is very well done drowned out by what sounds like Obama quotes. I have no idea who’s saying them because I can’t listen to Obama without losing IQ, but I’m going to assume that they are him. Then they’re butchered.

I find this disappointing. The stuff going on in the background is neat and could be expanded into something wonderful. Instead, it got turned into crap.

Bad.

As I listened to this album, it just reeked of a high-energy band that is heavily influenced by such greats as NOFX. This is the kind of band that I would head down to a bar to see while I get drunk and fight.

Considering that the first song has a word like “Murderapolis,” I’m going to assume that this is what The Darkos are going for with In Stereo.

Judging by the dirty sound of the vocals, the distortion on the guitar, and the fast, energetic timing of the songs, I’m going to also assume that they are trying to be NOFX. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as relatively few bands (at least, few that I’ve heard) try for that sound these days. Perhaps they’re afraid of dealing with drunken punks at every show they play. Or, perhaps the drunken punks are too busy being drunk and dressing like punks to play instruments.

That being said, I recommend this album to drunken punks. Ever wondered how many times somebody can mention drunken punks in a review? I never have.

All things considered, the playing on the album is very solid. The drums are nice and thick, the guitar stuff meshed into the overall sound. The vocals fit the genre perfectly, with the lyrics fitting the vocals. This is the kind of album that only a band that really has their shit together can put out. There isn’t any particular member of the band trying to be the band himself. The spotlight is shared, which is really the whole point of a “band” in the first place. Good for them.

Speaking of the playing, I find it interesting that things get a bit dissonant a few times, though everything is mostly major keyed. They obviously know when to play major, when to play minor, and when to just hurt the damn music because they love it.

My main gripe with the album is that the songs don’t always flow into one another well. It sounds like eight songs that were just stuffed together, given some semblance of order, and called an album. This is minor and nit picky so I won’t dwell on it too long.

I also happen to know that the album was originally called Slappin’ Wet Meat. I think that was a better name. In Stereo is boring. It also fits the music terribly.

All in all, this is a solid album from a band that doesn’t suck. If they ever come to my area, I think I’ll go see them if I get a chance. Good stuff!

Available here.

I need to give respect to a song that made me laugh before I even heard it. A song about all music being terrible? Oh, just delicious.

Normally I’d complain about the fact that recoding job is iffy at times and the beat basic, but it actually fits the subject matter perfectly. I’m also going to cut some slack based on the fact that the rapping is spot-on and solid. This just reeks of effort but perhaps a money-caused lack of fancy gear.

Of course, the effort also shows in the effects applied at just the right times. Pitch shifting your voice down when you complain about others doing it? Ironic and wonderful.

I imagine the people behind this song are spectacularly entertaining. Toxie approved!

Available here.

Ah yes, Dickbutt. He who turns up in odd places and makes you go “what?” Dickbutt, who has a dick for a butt.

You know, I don’t really know what to think about this track. On one hand, I feel like my blog is getting trolled. On the other hand, I’m thinking that a band with a name like Dada Fist is doing their damnedest to make the most atrocious anti-music imaginable.

See, as humor has anti-humor, music has anti-music. It looks like music, and you can’t help but like some of it, but at the same time, you know you shouldn’t.

Dick Butt here is barely over twenty seconds long. It consists of very simple rock/metal stuff and a few lines of lyrics about Dick Butt and him having a dick for a butt. All things considered, I don’t think Dickbutt can be set to music any othe way.

So, I’m going to put this one in that special category of “listen to at your own risk.” On one hand, it captures the essence of good old Dickbutt perfectly, but on the other hand…well, anti-music.

Available here.

This song is actually painful to listen to for a variety of reasons.

The most obvious is the fact that it’s so dreary. This song sounds like a seven year old sitting inside, staring out the window at a rain storm on the first day of summer. It sounds like a guy standing in the rain with a bouquet of flowers for his girlfriend that he just found murdered. This song sounds like…OK, you get the picture. It’s depressing.

Bonus points for capturing emotion, but that’s really all this song has going for it.

The other thing that makes it painful to listen to is how simplistic and draggy everything is. The song just moves…oh…so…slowly. It just didn’t end fast enough. Everything is too straight, too boring, too bland. It fits the music in a “sort of” kind of way, but is still way too damn boring.

All things considered, some vocals could help spruce it up a bit, but the only path I can see that taking is a guy singing about that girl that wouldn’t go to the prom with him twenty years ago and turned him into a raging alcoholic that lives under a bridge that it rains underneath every day.

Judging by the song’s sound and its name, this is the work of an amateur that is trying way too hard.

Available here.

Here’s another familiar name from back in my first review blog. Rude Corps is one of those bands that I can’t help but like. The fact is, they’re different.

Which is why I found this track a bit shocking. There’s a guitar and a pretty straightforward rock-inspired industrial rhythm to the song. Well, at least at first.

As things go on, other…sounds…start to creep in like some horrible, enormous abomination in a bad horror flick that weights seven tons but still moves like a cat. That had a nice effect, all things considered.

Underneath that is a lovely, driving beat that could be easy to dance to in particularly…let’s just say “enthusiastic” ways. I can see people slam dancing to this kind of music. Moshing or raving at the very least.

My only gripe (I seem to complain about this a lot) is that the song doesn’t particularly go anywhere. It would be nice to stuff in the middle of a DJ set, but will only rarely turn heads on by itself.

All in all, another quality track brought to us by the mad science of Rude Corps.

Discuss on the forums.

Available here.

First off, this is a bit of a change, as this is the review of an entire album, let alone just one song.

My first thoughts about Seasons were along the lines of “Oh man, this sounds like it would be totally cool to just chill out to.” The album starts off with a laid-back sound and lyrics that sound like somebody rambling about wandering off. The effect was really neat.

After more listening, what really stood out was the instrumentation. It would sound like pretty standard rock if it weren’t for the violin. Of course, breaking standard rules always scores bonus points in this particular review pit. So does adding violins. They’re wonderful instruments.

As thing progressed, I started noticing that at times, things are slow and chill, while other times get somewhat more complex. This tells me that the band understands that, sometimes, you need to play fast, but other times, you need to play slow. They sound like they aren’t out to show off or impress anybody, they’re out to play music. Bravo, I say, as that show an attention to musical goodness.

A Boy Named Earth also seems to have mastered several different styles. Winter gets a bit smashy, but then leads into Spring, which reminds me of the Dave Matthews Band. Spring Part 3, however, broke from that and strikes me as very Irish. The mix of styles here and there did little to take away from the album, but rather enhances it greatly. The variety is blended together quite well.

Though the songs are written about seasons and named after them, for some reason, it just struck me that they didn’t entirely fit all of the time. It sounds nice, but I expected winter to me more slow and flat than minor, rocky, and a bit spooky. That isn’t to say that it sounded bad, it just struck me as odd.

Talking about this album would be incomplete without mention of the vocals. The singer has an airy, mellow voice that fits the music perfectly. It sounds almost like everything was built around the vocal parts, as it fits together like that in my head. Though they get a touch quiet from time to time, they are overall very well done.

The lyrics, unfortunately, leave something to be desired. Perhaps I expect more complexity, perhaps they just aren’t my style. Sometimes, they delve into a particularly non-poetic style. This may be intentional, but it bothers me when I can be bothered to pay attention.

This album may turn out to be a little inaccessible for some, as it just reeks of artistry. Though I like that kind of thing, I know that a lot of people don’t.

All in all, Seasons is a quality album. Those that like their music varied and a touch on the chill side should give A Boy Named Earth a listen.

Available here.

What I hear in this band is a group that wants to be Depeche Mode but just can’t quite pull it off. That’s not to say that they’re necessarily bad, as Depeche Mode set a pretty high bar when it comes to music.

That being said, The Reason has some interesting moments and is varied enough to really keep my interest. It brings little new to the table, far as I’m concerned, considering how much they sound like the band I mentioned above.

At first, I thought I was going to hate this song, as the intro just bothered me. I don’t know what it was about the first few parts of the song that got under my skin, exactly, I just know that they did. My guess is that it was just too flat and boring.

The part that was next really grabbed my attention, as the rhythm and the way the vocals worked were just downright neat.

From there, it was just downhill as things wound down. I found the singing mostly just unvaried, flat, and boring. The singer also sounds like he would be amazing if he had more training.

I’m giving this one a “mediocre” but look forward to hearing We Are All Dying when they get some improvement down.

Discuss on the forums.

Available here.

There are few things that can compared to well-played string instruments. There’s just something about the mournful sound of a minor-keyed cello song that makes me close my eyes, lean back, and just get lost in the sounds.

That right there is really the pure essence of this song. This is downright emotional modern classical stuff, which makes it more impressive. This is an original cello/piano composition (as I’ve been told), played with skill and grace.

The dynamics flow with the music and everything just flows around the song’s structure amazingly.

I wanted to write something more complex, but this song is just pure and simple awesome. Toxie approved!