The Cynic’s Cache

Toxie hates everything. Yes, that means you.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Do Me a Favor

Write this down if you need to, it might come in handy.

Next time you hear somebody ranting and raving about blacks getting the shafted on everything, blacks getting discriminated against, and blacks being kept down by “the Man,” do me a favor and kick them in the teeth.

We just elected a black man for president. For the first time in American history, a black man (I will not use that ridiculous phrase “African-American”) has gotten elected president. Black. In a nation historically led by old rich white guys. In a nation with an unpleasant history of fucking over every minority imaginable, we now have a president that comes from a race formerly oppressed. Really, does it get much more “equal” than that?

I don’t give a damn what color they are or if they’re even human. If they’re spouting off garbage about how poorly we treat black people, they’re either fools or snakes with agendas.

Isn’t it about time we dropped this racial insanity and started unfucking American society? Did you ever wonder that racial problems might stem from treating black people and white people as if they were separate subspecies of human? Now that we’re going to have a president with dark skin, I hope we can quit bickering about it and get something done right for a change.

posted by Toxie at 10:29 pm  

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Sorry, Children

My apologies, children.  I know you are starving and might die of it before you even get your first pube, but it looks like there will be less money for food this year.  See, GenCon, which gamers know as the biggest annual collection of game nerd, wanted to give money to a group that feeds you.  The problem is that the charity they wanted to give money to decided that hating games was more important than your empty stomach.

See, this charity was loved by Gary Gygax, who is more or less the guy that made D&D exist.  He died not long ago and is mourned by many millions the world over.  He brought joy to the lives of countless people through the hobby that he helped found.  A lot of people considered him an all-around swell guy.  GenCon did a charity auction is his honor and wanted to give the money to the Christian Children’s Fund.

But what did they do?  They turned the money down.  They failed at their goal: feeding the starving.  In the name of keeping up appearances by snubbing what amounts to a silly little game that nerds use to waste their time, they turned down money that could help the people they’re supposedly helping.

I’m sorry to those of you that are going to starve, but apparently this is more important than your lives.

Acting and blathering aside, I have to ask, what the fuck, CCF?  What the fuck?  I can’t even begin to comprehend the idea of a charity that refuses money because it was raised partly by the sale of things related to a game.

posted by Toxie at 8:23 pm  

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Computers Don’t Need Neon

Before you read the rest of this article, take a quick glance at your computer.  Just do it, I’m going somewhere with this.  Now take a better look at it.  Does it have any neon?  Does anything other than the funny little “Hey everybody, I’m turned on” light glow?  Is any part of your computer a bright, obnoxious color?

If you answered yes to these questions, find something sharp and stab yourself in the eye.  This is what it feels like when you set your case down at a LAN party.  It isn’t a fashion show, it’s a nerd party for nerd things where we’re going to play nerd games.  In fact, your glowing neon box makes you look like an ass.  Far as I’m concerned, the only purpose case modding serves is to tell us who is trying too hard.

I have seen perhaps two case mods in my life that were actually aesthetically pleasing.  Of course, both were tastefully done by nerds that also had some artistic talent.  They didn’t glow.  They didn’t whir like they were about to take flight thanks to the excess fans needed to cool the thing because its air circulation was ruined.  They didn’t triple your electric bill or make everybody wonder if they were fire hazards.  They didn’t even have liquid coolant.  No, they were neat little projects by a few guys that decided to make their computers interesting rather than blocky.

Of course, the other, oh…five trillion case mods I’ve seen have been geared toward attention whoring rather than art.  They all could have lit up the room with the lights out.  Every last one looked like it was assembled from the scrap of some rave gone disastrous.  It screamed hey everybody look at me like some kind of beacon for stupid to collect around.

In the off chance that we ever end up in the same room (unlikely) and you set down a heavily modded computer case in front of me, I won’t even pretend to be impressed.  It really does make you look like an ass.  Anybody that seems impressed is, most likely, either feigning it or stupid.

posted by Toxie at 3:28 am  

Monday, October 27, 2008

The F Word

Has anybody else noticed that the word “Fat” receives more anger than the word “Fuck?”  Is my perception skewed, or has this become reality?

Saying “Fuck” in public might get you a glare from at least one person.  It might make somebody ask you not to say that word because it’s offensive or there are children around.  In a few rare cases, it might even get you slapped.  But, ultimately, it isn’t nearly as offensive as it once was.  I blame Comedy Central.

Yet, I find myself saying “Fat” in hushed whispers lest the wrong person hear, especially at work.  They have a no-swearing policy in place, but don’t sweat the occasional curse so long as it comes from a customer.  However, “Fat” can get you fired if you aren’t careful.

When did this happen?

When did western society decide that a descriptive word that means “overweight” be more offensive than the universal four letters of extreme displeasure?

Then I started wondering.  Is it denial?  Even when pointing to numbers alone or the herds of human cows wandering around sucking on everything deep fried they can find, there are still those that will deny America has a weight problem.  Even if you sugar-coat it with a nice, cute term like “plump” or “fluffy,” there are those that stop just short of demanding that you be drawn and quartered.

If only denial burned calories.

The overall fatness of America, for me, finally sank in when numerous stores quit selling clothing in my size.  I actually have trouble finding things that fit right now.  I’m not freakishly skinny, either.  I’m a “healthy” weight for my height and, once, would have been considered pretty much average.  Yet, these days, the “average” person my height is fifty pounds heavier than I am.  And yet, there are still those that deny that America has a weight problem.

Suddenly, XXL size shirts aren’t nearly as anomalous as they once were.  There was a time where they had to be special ordered.  Now they’re common.  I don’t know about everybody else, but I just can’t ignore that.

If only we could find a way to make denial burn calories.  Then maybe we wouldn’t be such a nation of fucking fatties.

posted by Toxie at 2:15 am  

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Death of the Review Pit

I keep looking at the review pit and wanting to revive it, but it’s a big factor in why I’m not writing much of late.  Reviewing music ate up a great deal of my writing time, which made me write little else.  It pushed out a few other of my projects, which made me a touch unhappy.  After careful consideration, I’m closing the Review Pit indefinitely, though the old reviews will stay up for archival purposes.

Worse yet, I found myself wanting to write the same crap over and over again.  I looked at old reviews from the currently down review blog on PolicyOverkill.com and realized that I had, ultimately, been doing just that.  Not only is that boring and a waste of time, but it is also unfair to the musicians.

My apologies to those I never got to.  You’ll be first on the list if I ever start reviewing agian.

posted by Toxie at 3:04 pm  

Friday, September 12, 2008

Changes in Format

I’m going to be doing things a bit differently before long here.  I’ve been rethinking the Toxie’s Review Pit a lot but am not quite sure where I want to go with it.

Just want you to know that I haven’t vanished/died/gotten abducted/become a Scientologist or something.

posted by admin at 5:47 am  

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Environmentalists are Silly

Though I do think that environmentalism has its benefits, I find that the methodology is often flawed. I’m all for reducing pollution, sustainability, and leaving our descendants something more than a smoldering rock. The problem is, I tend to quit listening whenever I hear the words “I’m an environmentalist and believe…”

One thing I’m quite sick of is the horde of people our society has produced that refuse to do anything but yell. You can’t fix a problem by yelling at it every day. The world just doesn’t work like that. Care to change something? Go out and change it yourself instead of giving the rest of us shit about it. Some people may listen, but most will not.

Consider, for a moment, how it sounds when you offer an alternative that, as a whole, is more expensive. You can convince somebody that the other method is, overall, much better, but you lose their interest as soon as the cost comes into play. Have an alternate fuel that runs a car with less pollution but costs twice as much? There are many that would use it for a short period but then go back to regular gasoline. Why? Look at our culture.

Western society is simply consumerist. Right or wrong, people equate happiness with having more. This is why a lot of times we take the idea that is, as a whole, worse, but costs less for the same performance. We don’t live on a barren rock now, so who cares if we do in twenty years? So what if the our landfills are overflowing and greenhouse gases are increasing? Gas is already too expensive, why should I pay for something pricier?

The fact is, most people will take the cheaper alternative, pollution or not. So, what do you do? Rather than picketing the smokestack-laden buildings, making goofy movies, or spouting off scientific theories about global warming, band together and do some research. Roll up your sleeves, get a bit dirty, and figure out a way to do something cleaner and cheaper at the same time.

Why? Simple, really. From an economic standpoint, cheaper always wins. If a group came up with an alternative fuel that could be poured into standard engines, burned cleaner, and was significantly cheaper than the stuff already at the gas station, people would absolutely flock to it. This is why there are people working on developing neat things like biodiesel and ethanol.

The thing is, shoving doom and gloom down our throats and expecting that to magically change the world is a ridiculous idea. It may work in the short term, but the effort to keep it up will eventually become too much. The inertia of apathy tends to increase. Eventually, talking about nuclear wastelands, radioactive fallout, global warming, and dwindling resources will fall on deaf ears. After enough yelling, people will become desensitized. Worse yet, some may quit trying entirely, feeling too overwhelmed by the specter of imminent ecological disaster.

Put more simply, you can easily convince nearly everybody to change their habits by reducing the cost of something. In fact, if you provide a cheaper alternative, not only will people flock to it, but businesses will as well. There will be a minimal need to talk and convince. Speak in numbers, and the world will listen. Other benefits will just be icing on the cake.

It’s also the small changes that matter most. Don’t talk about the tons of pollution clogging up the rivers, gather up volunteers to clean up the one in your area. Get your hands dirty with the people cleaning it up. Lead by example. Get on the internet and tell others about how you cleaned up your river and how they can do the same. Have awesome mechanical skills? Get a group together to think about increasing fuel efficiency. Don’t just talk, think and do.

posted by Toxie at 2:11 am  

Saturday, August 23, 2008

eloH - Obama

Available here.

One thing that music never seems to get away from is controversy. Be it the drug habits, early deaths, murders, suicides, political leanings…it all ends in controversy some how or another. So, when I listen to this, I find myself wondering why one would do something so likely to cause controversy with an apparent lack of reasoning behind it?

This particular song is a rhythmic background that is very well done drowned out by what sounds like Obama quotes. I have no idea who’s saying them because I can’t listen to Obama without losing IQ, but I’m going to assume that they are him. Then they’re butchered.

I find this disappointing. The stuff going on in the background is neat and could be expanded into something wonderful. Instead, it got turned into crap.

Bad.

posted by Toxie at 10:36 pm  

Saturday, August 23, 2008

The Darkos - In Stereo

As I listened to this album, it just reeked of a high-energy band that is heavily influenced by such greats as NOFX. This is the kind of band that I would head down to a bar to see while I get drunk and fight.

Considering that the first song has a word like “Murderapolis,” I’m going to assume that this is what The Darkos are going for with In Stereo.

Judging by the dirty sound of the vocals, the distortion on the guitar, and the fast, energetic timing of the songs, I’m going to also assume that they are trying to be NOFX. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as relatively few bands (at least, few that I’ve heard) try for that sound these days. Perhaps they’re afraid of dealing with drunken punks at every show they play. Or, perhaps the drunken punks are too busy being drunk and dressing like punks to play instruments.

That being said, I recommend this album to drunken punks. Ever wondered how many times somebody can mention drunken punks in a review? I never have.

All things considered, the playing on the album is very solid. The drums are nice and thick, the guitar stuff meshed into the overall sound. The vocals fit the genre perfectly, with the lyrics fitting the vocals. This is the kind of album that only a band that really has their shit together can put out. There isn’t any particular member of the band trying to be the band himself. The spotlight is shared, which is really the whole point of a “band” in the first place. Good for them.

Speaking of the playing, I find it interesting that things get a bit dissonant a few times, though everything is mostly major keyed. They obviously know when to play major, when to play minor, and when to just hurt the damn music because they love it.

My main gripe with the album is that the songs don’t always flow into one another well. It sounds like eight songs that were just stuffed together, given some semblance of order, and called an album. This is minor and nit picky so I won’t dwell on it too long.

I also happen to know that the album was originally called Slappin’ Wet Meat. I think that was a better name. In Stereo is boring. It also fits the music terribly.

All in all, this is a solid album from a band that doesn’t suck. If they ever come to my area, I think I’ll go see them if I get a chance. Good stuff!

posted by Toxie at 10:26 pm  

Friday, August 15, 2008

Ah, Humans

I heard the most incredible think at Wendy’s earlier this week.

Man: Wow, honey. I can’t believe you ate all that, you really must have been hungry.

Woman: Are you saying I’m fat?

posted by Toxie at 9:09 pm  
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